ermehgerd just fucked one of my coworkers lmaooooo
dudes it’s 7:45 in the morning, I was hammered last night. woke up still drunk and now I’ve gotta sit in the car w my fucking grandma whose perfume is making me gag in my mouth and I’ve gotta fucking drive down 301 which is like a highway almost and I’m DRUNK AS FUCK RN.
Andrews really starting worry me.
ugh I fucking hate fighting with you. like it fucking sucks, I was going to give you fucking head, I’m sorry that seeing you get hard turned me the fuck on ugh you are such an asshole sometimes.
it makes me sick. we could still have that. we do still have that, we have everything we need.
but what if you really aren’t what I’m going to ultimately invest my life in. I could have this with anybody else. I can find someone who I’d have these feelings for and they’d have them back, no second thoughts no doubts no nothing. it could be easy as breathing but I want it to be you. asshole
sometimes I make such a fool out of myself. I’m sorry I’m so goddamn over dramatic. but you know you don’t ever make this easy. ever. you say you love me but don’t call me your best friend anymore. I’m the girl you love or I’m your best friend. I’m sick of this like I tried to tell you, if all that shit, me hooking up with boys and calling guys cute bothers you, do something about it.
I’m seriously fucking miserable. all I want is you fucking l o l. my life. time to fucking get wasted.
this just fucking sucks. I miss you so fucking much Andrew goddamn it.
here are the words ill never say to you. I love you, not just as a friend, I’m in love with you, Andrew Scriven. and it sucks because here we are, hating each other again. you played games and fucked over the one person who’s been here through everything for you. you broke my heart without even thinking twice. I could have spent my life happily in love with you, maybe not forever, but that’s kind of how things looked. but now I’m laying in my bed, overcome by the overwhelming fact that you aren’t mine once again. I’ve loved you since day one, since I first saw you, first kissed you, first fucked you. I denied it for so long because at first it did me no good to love you. you loved Chloe, the girl who treated you like shit who fucking broke your heart and stomped all over it. I denied it to myself and to everyone around me. but they all knew it, Andrew. they all fucking could see it, in my eyes, in the way I talked to you, the way I talked about you, the way I acted around you. every single one of those boys who lived in that house with you all knew it, and I’m more than sure that they were all jealous; you had someone who loved you so deeply and unconditionally, that it didn’t matter what you had done in your past, all the mistakes and fuck ups, they never once scared me away. you will never know how many nights I spent crying, just wishing you were there with me. wishing and praying to god that you would be mine some day. and then you were and my heart exploded. I was the happiest and luckiest girl in the world. I wanted forever with you. I could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with you, giving you everything I had. I loved you from the start, and I will never forget the day you asked me to finally be your girlfriend. I cried, tears just rolled down my face I couldn’t help it, I was so happy Andrew. you told me you loved me and that no matter how annoying you thought I was, you would miss me doing those annoying things if I wasn’t there to do them. but our relationship was so short lived. you never gave things a chance to fall into place, to get better. you let them slip away and didn’t even bother to fix them. so you dumped me. and I was miserable for a week. and then we started hanging out again, hooking up getting drunk you calling me baby. we got close again, I stayed the night a couple times and then everything with Kelli happened. and that proved to be exactly what it was, some serious bullshit. and still I loved you through it all. and you said it yourself, we were so close to getting back together, so close to being with each other. and then you fucking changed your mind again. AGAIN.
goddamn you Andrew. I love you so fucking much and you tell me you love me too and this is how things end up. broken and complicated and I just wanna kiss you and love you and I hate you for this.
go crawl into the arms of some other female and cry to her about your poor, pathetic life. push away the girl who loves you, undoubtedly, and be comforted by someone who shows you no attention.
I love you and I miss you. we’re doing this weird tango between being together and being friends. I wish I could just get over you but that almost terrifies me.