you just make this so hard. so hard to try to move on, so hard to try to be happy without you. so hard to be happy with you. sometimes i don’t even know what you want me to do. should i hit you up all the time, chill and smoke with you all the time? or would you rather me ignore you again? i just don’t fucking get it, bro. you tell me that you want me back, but then you call me a cunt and tell me to fuck off? i just don’t understand anymore, and it hurts so much. because i love you so much, and i miss you even more. i want to be able to kiss you and hold you and tell you things again. but we can’t because you keep fucking things up with your shitty attitude. you really had me convinced that you had changed, you really fucking had me for a second. but you haven’t at all. i try to give you a chance, and just be friends with you, and you can’t even accept that. you still want more and more and more and more and more and more. and i have nothing left to fucking give you. n o t h i n g. you tell me time after fucking time that you’re going to change, to not lose my faith in you. and i don’t even think i’ve had faith in you. i’ve been let down and disappointed way too many times by you. when you love someone, you don’t treat them like shit. when you love someone you don’t try to control them, you don’t try to fit them into a perfect little mold of the girl you want. i can’t be what you want, clearly. i’m sorry i can’t be mindless and let you be the boss of me. and it’s not even that i don’t know it’s my fault, too. because i do, more than anything i know it will always be my own fucking fault. but you’re just something else. i don’t understand how i can love you so much but still hate you. how happy you can make me, but how fucking sad i am at the same time. how much you say you care about me, but then how shitty you treat me. people tell me all the time that i look and act different. that i don’t look super stressed and upset all the time. and i wonder why that is. you’re just so different now and i hate it. i’m sorry but i just hate it all. i love you, please just fucking change.