Sometimes I feel like I’m completely alone and worthless and just completely invisible to everyone. Sometimes I feel so shitty about myself. Sometimes I just really, really want to crawl in my bed and just lay there forever. Sometimes I just can’t help but not eating. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning, like my lungs are filled with water and no matter how hard I try to gasp for it, the air just keeps escaping me. Sometimes I just feel empty. 
And no matter how hard I try, nothing goes right. I feel like a total fuck up. I fucked up in school, I probably won’t get into any colleges because I was an ASSHOLE freshman and sophomore year and didn’t give a fuck about my life and now there’s nobody to blame but myself. I’m constantly fucking up my relationship because I’m a fucking cunt to my boyfriend. I have pretty much no friends. I have no job. I have no car. Nothing. Nothing at fucking all.
I can’t even keep my life together for longer than two fucking days. Gabriel might possibly be getting arrested. Every time we get through one bump, another one twenty times bigger comes along. I’m getting stressed out again. I’m worrying about everything, and I feel like I’m spinning out of control. And that’s all I know I need, is just a little control. I need something stable that I can keep my feet on. But there’s nothing. I’m on a tightrope wearing stilettos, and I can’t even walk in heels.
I really don’t even know what to do anymore.